Sometimes I am left speechless at what people say. Other times, it is all I can do to restrain what I call “the spirit of slap” that consumes me when said instances occur. I wrote the following a few short months after our sweet Sadie Rose died…
Losing a child at whatever age in whatever circumstances is tragic for parents. As mourning families struggle to understand what just happened, well-meaning caring people say things in an effort to bring comfort. Sometimes, even if what they are saying is true, it’s hard for parents to hear. This poem was written in response to those cliches that can sometimes hurt more than heal. Yes we believe we will be reunited with our child, yes we believe she’s pain-free, but as humans, we long for the tangible; that which we can physically embrace, touch, smell and hear.
DON’T TELL ME!
By Regina Rose Cyzick Harlow
Don’t tell me everything happens for a reason
Don’t tell me this is just a season
Don’t look at me and raise your eyes and tell me that you know
That God takes care of everything because He loves us so
Don’t shrug your shoulders in my face and tell me “God knows best”
Don’t comfort me by saying my baby’s found eternal rest
I’d rather hold my baby girl and feel her flesh and blood
To smell her breath upon my face and feel her baby hugs
I’d rather kiss her tender cheeks and comb her baby hair
Than cling to idealistic dreams of knowing her “over there”
I wish her cries would wake me when I desperately needed sleep
I wish a smelly diaper meant I’d get to wash her sheets.
I’d love to feel her on my breast and hear her baby sigh
Oh God I cannot take this pain, why did she have to die
I’ll never hear her footsteps as she patters down the hall
She’ll never learn to ride a bike or play with baby dolls
She’ll never call me mommy or sing her ABC’s
She’ll never get to help me decorate the Christmas tree
So before you in all your wisdom tell me how to deal with grief
Just close your mouth and walk away and give me some relief
I know you want to help me and you don’t know what to say
But hugs, and tears, and smiles are best, when my heart feels this way.