Rockingham Memorial Hospital is hosting their 25th Annual Bereaved Parents Memorial Tree Service
Monday, December 5th at 7p.m.
Deanna Bounds-Ross
Each year the Hospital extends an invitation to any parent or guardian who has experienced the loss of a child to join them in this annual Memorial Service. Parents are encouraged to attend and to bring an ornament to place on the tree in memory of their child.
Last year, Regina Cyzick Harlow, Co-Founder of the Sadie Rose Foundation attended this special ceremony and placed an ornament in memory of her daughter, Sadie Rose, as well as one on behalf of all of the families the Foundation has reached out to and the angels they now carry in their hearts.
The Holidays can be an especially difficult time and this is one way the community can reach out and bring families together for a period of support and understanding.
If you have any questions or to RSVP please phone RMH Healthsource at 800.433.4580
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Think Pink AND Blue; Raising awareness for miscarriage, pregnancy and infant loss
Posted on 17. Oct, 2011 by Admin-Regina.
Think Pink AND Blue; raising awareness for miscarriage, pregnancy and infant loss
By Regina Cyzick Harlow
It’s October. Pink ribbons are everywhere. You would be hard-pressed to find someone who didn’t know that October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Why? Because the disease has ravaged the lives of so many and people are no longer content to let it go by unnoticed and unaddressed.
People unashamedly sport bracelets, t-shirts, bumper stickers, etc. that show support for these important parts of the human anatomy and to raise awareness for the cause. Every sales flyer in our mailbox this month has a pink strip across the front with text about raising breast cancer awareness. Businesses, celebrities, professional football players, national and local media are all raising funds and awareness for this important cause. The more people who know about it, the more research is supported to prevent it.
I, too, stand behind it. People in my life have been greatly affected and even lost their battle to this dreadful disease.
However, I wonder how many people know that October is also National Pregnancy Loss and Infant Loss Awareness Month as well as Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Dwarfism Awareness Month, Clergy Appreciation Month, Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender History Month, National Arts & Humanities Month, Black History Month, National Cyber Security Awareness Month, National Pork Month, Bossman History Month, Fair Trade Month and Filipino American History Month. (I’m probably missing some.)
My point is that the reason an entire nation rallies around a cause is because people refused to not be heard. Heartbroken families of women, mothers, daughters, wives and yes, even men who have had breast cancer have turned their tragedies into a call for cure and prevention. Petitions have been signed and laws have been changed addressing the chemicals in our food and environment in an effort to reduce the risk of the disease. I among many am incredibly grateful for every step forward we as a nation take to reduce its threat.
As a mother who has buried my child, I am equally passionate about raising awareness of child loss and pregnancy loss. According to a Sept 2011 report by Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 28.6 percent of 100,000 children between the ages of 1 and 4 die annually. The leading causes of death are accidents (unintentional injuries) and congenital malformations. Another 15.3 deaths occur per 100,000 children between the ages of 5 and fourteen. The leading cause of death in those cases is accidents (unintentional injuries) and cancer.
One recent study by Public Library of Science (PLoS) Medicine reported that the global neonatal death rate is at 41 percent and in conjunction with the PLoS study, CBS/AP reported that the newborn death rate in the U.S. is 4.3 per 1,000 live births. According to the American Pregnancy Association among the 6 million pregnancies in the U.S. every year; 4,058,000 are live births and 1,995,840 end in pregnancy losses.
Obviously those of us who have experienced miscarriage, pregnancy or neonatal loss are not alone and yet so often we suffer in silence because society as a whole is not comfortable talking about this cause. Reactions when I talk about our daughter who lived for a total of 17 hours range from sincere sympathy to “be glad she didn’t live long enough for you to become attached.”
Hello! I won’t even go there. Every person is different. People can only relate to the loss they have personally experienced and they grieve accordingly. I have spent hours talking with moms who previously grieved in silence when their pregnancy ended as early as 5 weeks. They were tormented with lost hopes and dreams, guilt of what they might have done wrong, husbands who have trouble relating to the extent of their grief, worries of subsequent pregnancies and so on.
One of the cries I hear the most is that society doesn’t seem to validate their loss. Without birthdays, pictures, and public memories, these moms often feel (whether it is the case or not) that their losses are overlooked or considered not painful.
We did not ask for this platform. No one wants to pay the dues it takes to become a member of the Angel-loss community. In truth, we don’t even want people to “get it” because that means that they or someone they love has probably experienced it. But we’re here because this is the hand life has dealt us. We are rallying for all the babies we have lost and we will not stop until our babies’ cries have been heard.
People are becoming more aware, but I am here to stand up for this cause. I will not be silent until our losses are recognized and validated by society. As the old adage goes, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.” I am squeaking for all the moms and parents out there who have experienced miscarriages, stillbirths and neonatal losses. I will blog, I will post, I will speak out and I will boldly sport my pink and blue Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness paraphernalia and I will delight when a nation rallies behind those of us who have been affected by this tragedy. As we raise awareness, more and more research will follow and hopefully fewer families will fall into the “Angel-loss” category.
Your turn: I want to hear how people react when you talk about your miscarriage, pregnancy and/or neonatal loss. If you have not experienced a personal loss, how does it make you feel when someone talks about their loss? How can we continue to raise awareness for our cause?
Statistical information for this article was provided by the following websites: http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/fastats/children.htm, http://www.plosmedicine.org/article/info%3Adoi%2F10.1371%2Fjournal.pmed.1001080#pmed-1001080-g006, http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20099732-10391704.html, http://www.americanpregnancy.org/main/statistics.html
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Upcoming Events; walks, meals and other ceremonies
By Regina Cyzick Harlow
This seems to be a busy time of year for the Sadie Rose Foundation so to keep everyone updated on what’s happening, I’m posting it in our blog.
Note: You can also find the specifics for each event, as well as RSVP and invite others to join, by visiting the Events Calendar on our Facebook Fan Page.
Our next big event is the Second Annual Remembrance Walk, Oct. 15th, 2011, 10 a.m. at Mountain View Park in Grottoes. We co-sponsor this walk with Brokenhearts – a pregnancy and neonatal loss support group out of Waynesboro – in conjunction with National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day Oct 15th. Last year we walked in the evening. The weather was cool and we had a thunderstorm before the walk. As we were about to set out on the 1.4 mile gravel track, a brilliant rainbow touched down
between two empty infant swings on the playground. Considering that we were there walking to remember our children in honor of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, it was a surreal moment. Our children were definitely watching over us as we remembered them together. We have chosen to walk in the morning this year and the walk will be followed by a balloon release and refreshments. Your child’s siblings and other family members are welcome to come support you in this walk. Balloons will be provided as well as support literature and candles to take home to light later that evening. We look forward to another special time day as we as bereaved families come together and support each other in our grief.
We will still have our regular monthly support meeting (the fourth Friday of the month), Oct. 28th, 7 p.m. at Dayton Church of the Brethren and our weekly online support chatsSundays at 9 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.
Our next big event is our Second Annual Thanksgiving Meal Nov. 25th at 6 p.m.in the fellowship hall at Beaver Creek Church of the Brethren located at 5651 Beaver Creek Road Bridgewater, VA. Thanksgiving turkey, drinks, and table service provided. Please bring a covered dish to share. This meal is held IN PLACE of our monthly support meeting in November. Since holidays can be among the most difficult for bereaved parents, this meal offers “family” time with people who get it, people who know how it feels to see the empty chair at the table and who understands the empty aching arms of a mother whose child was born sleeping. We as bereaved families can’t always predict how we will cope with holiday gatherings, but we at the Sadie Rose Foundation will be there for you if you want to cry, vent, laugh, remember or any of the above. Just as we share in the grief and remembrance of our losses, so we also celebrate our joys and triumphs together.
Lastly, we will host our Fourth Annual Candlelight Ceremony Dec. 11th at 6 p.m. at Otterbein United Methodist Church located at 176 W. Market Street Harrisonburg, VA. We always offer this 
ceremony the second Sunday of December in coordination with National Child Loss Awareness Day when others around the world are also lighting candles to remember their children. This ceremony is also IN PLACE of our December monthly meeting. It is a more formal ceremony with a song, a reading, and the opportunity to light a candle as our children’s names are read. (Candles provided.) Refreshments are provided after the ceremony. If you would like to have your child (of any age) included on our list of remembrances, please email me their name, date of birth and date of death. We are also planning a slideshow so we invite you to include a picture of your child (or a picture to represent your child) in the email. Please have the information to me by Dec. 1stso we have ample time to prepare for the ceremony.
We are also planning an all-day retreat for the early spring (details to come). We strive to offer a variety of ceremonies and means of support so that everyone can find a way that best helps them remember and honor the memory of their child. Most of our events and support meetings are family-friendlybecause we believe that a family grieves together, however, we do offer individual and parent only appointments at our office located at 206 Main Street Dayton VA and are working to provide additional options for those who are not yet ready to be around other children. In regards to our ceremonies and support, one mom wrote…
“I think that offering a variety of grief support activities helps fill more people’s needs/wants. Our family has been able to participate in many of the Sadie Rose Foundation gatherings. It helps us not only keep the memory of our children alive, but gives an opportunity to reach out to and share with others who’ve gone through the loss of a child. Fellowshipping with others reminds you that you’re not alone in your grief.” – Naomi
If you would like more information about these events, our support meetings or any other support we provide, or to RSVP for these events, please contact Regina at Regina@SadieRoseFoundation.org or call 540-810-4351.
These events are made possible only due to the contributions of our Friends-and-Angels. As a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization we rely solely on the generosity of others! If you would like to make a donation in the amount of your choice, you can do so below:
When donating, be sure to let us know if you’d like your donation to be in Honor or Remembrance of someone and whether you would like it to be publicly posted on our site or kept confidential.
You can also sign up for our Friends-and-Angels Newsletter (mailed quarterly) by clicking here and following the instructions.
Thank you to our Friends-and-Angels without whom none of this would be possible. We thank you!
Pictures associated with the Remembrance Walk, Courtesy of Traci White
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Don’t Tell Me; a mother’s response to cliched support when her infant died
Posted on 29. Sep, 2011 by Admin-Regina.
Don’t Tell Me
Addressing the issues of cliched responses after the death of a child
By Regina Cyzick Harlow
Losing a child at whatever age in whatever circumstances is tragic for parents. As mourning families struggle to understand what just happened, well-meaning caring people say things in an effort to bring comfort. Sometimes, even if what they are saying is true, it’s hard for parents to hear. This poem was written in response to those clichés that can sometimes hurt more than heal. Yes we believe we will be reunited with our child, yes we believe she’s pain-free, but as humans, we long for the tangible; that which we can physically embrace, touch, smell and hear.
I am sharing this poem for October in honor of National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. I wrote it two months after our infant daughter, Sadie Rose, had passed away. Although I knew that people were not intentionally trying to make the pain worse, I wanted to scream at every person who gave me a “pat” answer. Writing it down was the only way I knew how to deal with it. If you are a bereaved parent, you will know exactly what I am talking about. If you are someone who has responded with the “safe” answers mentioned in the poem (as I have way too often), then try what it says at the end – hugs, smiles and tears.
Don’t tell me everything happens for a reason
Don’t tell me this is just a season
Don’t look at me and raise your eyes and tell me that you know
That God takes care of everything because He loves us so
Don’t shrug your shoulders in my face and tell me “God knows best”
Don’t comfort me by saying my baby’s found eternal rest
I’d rather hold my baby girl and feel her flesh and blood
To smell her breath upon my face and feel her baby hugs
I’d rather kiss her tender cheeks and comb her baby hair
Than cling to idealistic dreams of knowing her “over there”
I wish her cries would wake me when I desperately needed sleep
I wish a smelly diaper meant I’d get to wash her sheets.
I’d love to feel her on my breast and hear her baby sigh
Oh God I cannot take this pain, why did she have to die
I’ll never hear her footsteps as she patters down the hall
She’ll never learn to ride a bike or play with baby dolls
She’ll never call me mommy or sing her ABC’s
She’ll never get to help me decorate the Christmas tree
So before you in all your wisdom tell me how to deal with grief
Just close your mouth and walk away and give me some relief
I know you want to help me and you don’t know what to say
But hugs, and tears, and smiles are best, when my heart feels this way.
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Mourner’s Bill of Rights
Posted on 26. Sep, 2011 by Admin-dbRoss.
The Mourner’s Bill of Rights
by Alan D. Wolfelt, Ph.D. (and reprinted with permission)
Though you should reach out to others as you do the work of mourning, you should not feel obligated to accept the unhelpful responses you may receive from some people. You are the one who is grieving, and as such, you have certain “rights” no one should try to take away from you.
The following list is intended both to empower you to heal and to decide how others can and cannot help. This is not to discourage you from reaching out to others for help, but rather to assist you in distinguishing useful responses from hurtful ones.
1. You have the right to experience your own unique grief.
No one else will grieve in exactly the same way you do. So, when you turn to others for help, don’t allow them to tell what you should or should not be feeling.
2. You have the right to talk about your grief.
Talking about your grief will help you heal. Seek out others who will allow you to talk as much as you want, as often as you want, about your grief. If at times you don’t feel like talking, you also have the right to be silent.
3. You have the right to feel a multitude of emotions.
Confusion, disorientation, fear, guilt and relief are just a few of the emotions you might feel as part of your grief journey. Others may try to tell you that feeling angry, for example, is wrong. Don’t take these judgmental responses to heart. Instead, find listeners who will accept your feelings without condition.
4. You have the right to be tolerant of your physical and emotional limits.
Your feelings of loss and sadness will probably leave you feeling fatigued. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Get daily rest. Eat balanced meals. And don’t allow others to push you into doing things you don’t feel ready to do.
5. You have the right to experience “griefbursts.”
Sometimes, out of nowhere, a powerful surge of grief may overcome you. This can be frightening, but is normal and natural. Find someone who understands and will let you talk it out.
6. You have the right to make use of ritual.
The funeral ritual does more than acknowledge the death of someone loved. It helps provide you with the support of caring people. More importantly, the funeral is a way for you to mourn. If others tell you the funeral or other healing rituals such as these are silly or unnecessary, don’t listen.
7. You have the right to embrace your spirituality.
If faith is a part of your life, express it in ways that seem appropriate to you. Allow yourself to be around people who understand and support your religious beliefs. If you feel angry at God, find someone to talk with who won’t be critical of your feelings of hurt and abandonment.
8. You have the right to search for meaning.
You may find yourself asking, “Why did he or she die? Why this way? Why now?” Some of your questions may have answers, but some may not. And watch out for the clichéd responses some people may give you. Comments like, “It was God’s will” or “Think of what you have to be thankful for” are not helpful and you do not have to accept them.
9. You have the right to treasure your memories.
Memories are one of the best legacies that exist after the death of someone loved. You will always remember. Instead of ignoring your memories, find others with whom you can share them.
10. You have the right to move toward your grief and heal.
Reconciling your grief will not happen quickly. Remember, grief is a process, not an event. Be patient and tolerant with yourself and avoid people who are impatient and intolerant with you. Neither you nor those around you must forget that the death of someone loved changes your life forever.
Copyright 2007, Center for Loss and Life Transition
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Making Scents; Candle Sale Fundraiser supports our outreach efforts
Posted on 16. Sep, 2011 by Admin-Regina.
Making Scents; Candle Sale Fundraiser supports our outreach efforts
Volunteers needed
By Regina Cyzick Harlow
Now through Sept 30, The Sadie Rose Foundation is holding a candle sale fundraiser through Earth Candles. There are several ways to be involved. You can request a brochure and help collect orders and/or you can purchase candles. Now is the time to warm your home with the scent of Pumpkin Spice Pie, Butter Cookies and Sugar Roasted Chestnuts. (I will list all the scents below.) And think of the teachers, family and friends on your Christmas list that might like a candle in their stocking. (Yes, it’s already that time of year again.)
If you are local and interested in collecting orders, please contact Deanna Bounds Ross at dbross@sadierosefoundation.org or 540-810-0307 and she will provide you with brochures and the materials that you need to get you started. You can place an order by contacting me at regina@sadierosefoundation.org or 540-810-4351 or Deanna at the information listed above.
Earth Candles quality is reflected in their name. They are American-made, hand-poured, highly fragrant and have long-burning lead-free wicks. Their packaging and labels are made from recycled materials and their gift boxes are 100 percent recycled paper.
They come in 12-ounce canning jars for $12 each and 14-ounce hourglass tumblers for $15 each. All candles are gift-boxed.
12-ounce scents include:
Hot Apple Pie
Butter Cookies
Cinnamon Apple
Juicy Peach
Gardenia
Holiday Spices
Mulberry
Rain Forest
Sugar Roasted Chestnuts
Pomegranate
Pumpkin Spice Pie
Vanilla Bean
14-ounce scents include:
Heaven
Honey Pear
Lavender Mist
Orange Spice Tea
Vanilla Raspberry
White Cotton
Thank you for playing a vital role in our outreach. It is only because of the generosity of people like you that we can continue to reach out to families and individuals who have experienced the death of a child. Your support, whether it is through finances, prayers, volunteerism, etc., is the only way we can do what we do! We do not have enough words to thank you. Blessings and peace to you all.
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Just For Today; a mother’s promise to her child
Posted on 21. Aug, 2011 by Admin-dbRoss.
Just For Today; for bereaved parents
By Vicki Tushingham
Just for today I will try to live through the next 24 hours
and not expect to get over my child’s death,
but instead learn to live with it, just one day at a time.
Just for today I will remember my child’s life, not just her death,
and bask in the comfort of all those treasured days
and moments we shared.
Just for today I will forgive all the family and friends
who didn’t help or comfort me the way I needed them to.
They truly did not know how.
Just for today I will smile no matter how much I hurt on the inside,
for maybe if I smile a little,
my heart will soften and I will begin to heal.
Just for today I will reach out to comfort a relative or friend of my child,
for they are hurting too,
and perhaps we can help each other.
Just for today I will free myself from my self-inflicted burden of guilt,
for deep in my heart I know if there was anything in this world
I could of done to save my child from death,
I would of done it.
Just for today I will honor my child’s memory
by doing something with another child
because I know that would make my own child proud.
Just for today I will offer my hand in friendship
to another bereaved parent
for I do know how they feel.
Just for today when my heart feels like breaking,
I will stop and remember that grief is the price we pay for loving
and the only reason I hurt is because
I had the privilege of loving so much
Just for today I will not compare myself with others.
I am fortunate to be who I am
and have had my child for as long as I did.
Just for today I will allow myself to be happy,
for I know that I am not deserting her by living on.
Just for today I will accept that I did not die when my child did,
my life did go on,
and I am the only one who can make that life worthwhile once more.
Vicki Tushingham
