We invite you to share your story of child, infant and pregnancy loss here. We understand that everyone grieves differently and for some of us, sharing our story is one of the most helpful tools in the grieving and healing process.

Share your story in the comment box below.

7 thoughts on “Share Your Story

  • April 11, 2012 at 8:56 pm

    My husband and i found out we were pregnant with our first child this past November. I was so excited, i always dreamed of being a mother. My nursery was almost completed by the end of the first trimester because i just couldnt stop myself from looking at and buying baby things. We went for our first ultrasound at 21 weeks and 4 days. It was so amazing to get to see the little life forming inside me. We had decided to let the gender be a suprise so we had fun trying to figure out from the pictures if our baby looked like a boy or girl :). After the ultrasound the doctor came in and talked to us alittle about some things they found that were alittle unusual about our baby but she said nothing seemed threatening to the pregnancy. It scared me alittle but i talked it over with my mom and she helped reasure me that everything was probably fine. (that happened on a thurs) But Sunday morning i noticed alittle bleeding so we went to the emergency room and they monitered me for several hours but they said i wasnt contracting and everything seemed fine so they sent me home on bedrest and set up an appointment the next day at the high risk clinic. I was having really back pain sunday night and i was still bleeding. When they checked me Monday morning at my appointment, I was 1 centimeter dialated. My mom and mother-in-law were with me and when i told them that i couldnt hold my fear in anymore and i started crying, i couldnt believe this was happening. The doctor rushed me back to Labor & Delivery and they started monitering me for contractions. Alan(my husband) arrived soon after that. I remember him asking me if i was scared, and i started crying and said yes. I was scared to death of losing my baby. I was having light contractions and was dialating even more. They gave me medicine to try to stop contractions and laid me flat on my back with the head of the bed tilted down to take away as much pressure as possible but nothing seemed to be working. I kept trying to believe that God would somehow stop my contractions and that my baby was gonna be ok. I kept asking throughout the day if i was still having regular contractions and at one point it seemed to be slowing down and i started getting more hopeful but the doc came and checked me again and i was almost 5 centimeters dialated and soon after that my water broke. At that point i knew there was no stopping this and all i could do was cry. We were going to lose our baby. I asked for an epidural but by the time they got to my room it was to late. I had to start pushing :(. Everything inside me was screaming NOOOOO….. you cant do this, its not time, my baby’s to small. The doctor had told me earlier that it was possible my baby would be born alive but there was nothing they could do to help the baby and that he/she would die. I didnt wanna push, I wanted to cry or scream or yell or do something, anything to make this bad dream go away, but it didnt. At 5:01 pm (only 22weeks) our precious little boy,Cody Alan, was stillborn. He was 1lb 9oz and 12.5 inches long. He looked so perfect, his toes and fingers were long just like his mommy and daddy and He looked like his Daddy.They let us hold him for as long as we needed to afterwards. By this time all my family and all of Alan’s family were there with us. There wasnt a single dry eye in the room. Everyone took turns holding him and we got lots of pictures. After probly close to 4 hours i had to go have a D&C done and i couldnt take Cody with me so we said our goodbyes and i gave him to my mom. Leaving that room knowing that when i came back my son would be gone was the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my entire life. It felt like a piece of me had just been ripped out. I cried the whole way back to the OR. When i got back to the room more family and friends had arrived to see us but i dont really remember much about it, i was in a haze, i didnt wanna do anything, not even talk, i just wanted to hold tight to my husband and cry. They released us the next day and we went back to my parents place for the night. I wasnt ready to face going home and seeing my nursury we had just finished acouple days before this nightmare began. We decided to go home the next afternoon and we both cried so hard when we went in the nursury. All our dreams had just been crushed, everything we had been planning for in our lives had suddenly been changed. Thursday of that week we had a small burial service for Cody. That eve we had a visitation time so more extended family and friends could stop by.
    We dont know why God allowed this to happen, the doctors dont know why i suddenly went into labor but we are choosing to trust that God is going to use this nightmare from his glory and He is going to make us stronger ppl because of it. Thankyou for allowing me to share my story and tell you about my son. I never got to know him but I love him with all my heart and i cant wait till the day i can go to heaven and hold him again.

    • April 13, 2012 at 4:15 pm

      Oh Tanya. I am so incredibly sorry that you have had to go through this! Thank you for pouring your heart out here and sharing the story of your precious Cody Alan with us. Although we can’t take away the hurt you and your family are feeling, we are here to support you through it in whatever way we can. We welcome you to our support meetings and any other events that might be helpful in remembering and honoring your precious angel. You have been on my heart so much since the day I heard the news. I am never more than a phone call or email away if you ever want to talk. Love, hugs and prayers to you and your family.

  • July 19, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    I didn’t have an infant die, but I did have a 10 yr old son killed on July 11, 2007. People broke rules I had set and were careless and it resulted in a car hitting my son. He didnt’ die instantly, was still alive when I got to him. The accident happened 3 houses away and another adult was supervising him (supposedly). That adult took the time to come get me (not telling me what occurred) and when I saw him lying in the road, I thought he’d fell off and was maybe stunned or perhaps even knocked out for a few minutes. Just a tiny scrape was noticable on his head. The other injuries not visible or unnoticed. He heard my voice and leaned toward me…that movement was the last he made of his own free will. He heard me tell him I love you…and probably not much after that as he declined rapidly before the squad arrived. I KNEW that he wasn’t going to survive once the EMT began CPR on him. They called for a Life Flight helicopter and I saw it arrive and knew it landed down the road. Before we could get everyone together (to go to UVA they said) one of the squad workers came up to us and told us that he was going to go to RMH instead. HOPE!! But then I felt an emptiness hit my heart….I knew he didn’t make it to the helicopter and wouldn’t be going to UVA at all. The state police came up and wanted us to go the house…I told him No. I knew that my son didnt’ make it and we were going to go to RMH like the EMT said. He could meet us there. I recall very few things over the next several weeks. Some say it was the medication everyone was giving me some say it was the grief. All I know is that 5 years later my heart still hurts. I am still angry. I am still lost. He may not have been a little cuddly baby, but he was MY baby. I still haven’t figured out how to cope with the grief.

  • July 19, 2012 at 4:13 pm

    Oh Kitty, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Please know that we are here to walk this journey of grief with you. My heart breaks for you. We welcome you to join us for our support meetings, coffees, online chats and ceremonies at any time. Feel free to contact me by phone or email too. Hugs.

  • August 30, 2012 at 6:28 pm

    My daughter Camden was a beautiful, intelligent miracle that brought joy to all that knew her.

    My husband and I had 2 miscarriages and 1 ectopic pregnancy, before we were told we had “1 more shot, or we would probably not be able to have a baby”. Camden was our miracle.
    At first my husband and I were too afraid to tell people, because of the past. We waited until July 4th, 2011 to announce that I had “officially made it through the 1st trimester”. I was still terrified though, terrified to feel that emptiness, again, that the miscarriages had brought to our family. I held my breath through 16 weeks, 20 weeks, 25 weeks, and then when I got to 32 weeks I finally breathed and embraced our blessing.
    My husband and I had started buying nursery decorations from day 1 — but we didn’t set anything up until that 32 week mark hit, we were too scared.
    On February 14, 2012 our little Princess made her debut at exactly 41 weeks. I am a lover of all things pink, so naturally I was beyond exstatic that our miracle princess had been born on the pinkest day of the year!
    My husband and I were so overjoyed at the fact that we “had done it” we officially had our own little family, that the exhaustion, the feedings, the diapers, the crying didn’t phase us. We wanted it.
    Little did we know, that the fear we held for 41 weeks, was still going to come true.
    Camden was at the babysitters that morning, when I recieved “the call”. I drove 90 mph to the hospital (literally) to meet with my husband and EMS. I kept screaming “please let me see her, please let me see my daughter”, but my husband just hugged me and cried. I knew when I asked for a Chaplain, and they responded that one was already on the way — the worst news in the world and our fears, were about to come.
    My daughter passed away at 12 weeks 3 days old on May 17th, 2012. There is not a single second of the day that goes by that I don’t think of her.
    Everytime I pass the graveyard, I blow kisses to her and tell her I love her. Every night when my husband and I say our prayers we ask God to tell her we love her and to give her a big hug.

    If you live in the Harrisonburg, VA area you may start to notice “Cans for Cami” signs and collection bins around (we have 10 business’ participating currently and always looking for more!) October is SIDS awareness month, we are collecting empty aluminum cans from August 31st – October 31st to cash in and donate to First Candle, a SIDS research and counseling organization.
    Please help us in our fight to end SIDS. Please, don’t allow this unknown to continue to destroy families, and precious little Angel’s lives. Fighting SIDS is so deeply personal and important to myself and family, that we hope you can find strength in helping us “win this war”.

    The blog I have listed is an online journal of letters to my daughter, Camden, I have written to her since she left us to go live with God.

  • October 11, 2012 at 6:33 pm

    In September 2004, we found out we were very excited to find we were expecting our third child. We already had to beautiful daughters, but we had been wanting to expand our family for some time. At my 20 week ultrasound we were surprised to find it was a boy this time. My husband and I went back and forth trying to find a name for our new bundle on the way, but we could never quite agree. On April 14 2005, our son whose name we finally decided would be Mason Daniel Lambert was born healthy and very handsome. Like any normal newborn we brought him home with us the day after he was born. My husband and I and our two daughters (9 and 11 years old at the time) lavished bunches of love and attention onto our new little miracle. Everything about him was new and fun even down to changing his diapers and the sometimes sleepless nights. Mason was a very happy content baby and fit perfectly into our family. After just a week as we were just getting into a routine with the new arrival the first storm hit. The morning of the day he turned a week old we were driving to visit a friend as I went to get him out of his car seat I discovered that he wasn’t breathing. I was terrified as I began doing CPR and my husband called an ambulance. He was taken to the hospital and stabilized enough to be transferred to another hospital over an hour away. There it was discovered that Mason had a rare heart arrhythmia. The doctors felt confident that with a little time they could treat the problem and our little boy would be just fine. For the next two and a half weeks Mason lived in the hospital while doctors tried different forms of treatment (as there was no actual treatment for this heart condition.) Between fighting both a respiratory and blood stream infections along with the continued problems with his heart his body was worn from the long fight and on May 7, 2005 when Mason was 23 days old he lost his battle. Our family and home felt empty without the cry of a newborn and with our empty arms.
    Shortly after Mason’s death we were in contact with a cardiologist at Washington D.C. Children’s Hospital and we discussed the situation at length with him. In March of 2006, when we found out we were expecting again we were cautiously optimistic. We were praying that she would be unaffected like our oldest two daughters, but believed that if she was affected we had a doctor behind us who knew what he was doing and was willing to help us. At the ultrasound we discovered this was to be a little girl which gave us another boost of confidence as we already had two healthy daughters,and had been told by doctors that heart arrhythmia’s are more deadly in males. The doctor suggested I be induced at 37 weeks to deliver in D.C “just in case.” On September 27, 2006 our daughter Kourtney Jean was born. Shortly after she was born is was discovered she also had the same heart condition as her brother, at which time they transferred her to the Children’s Hospital to begin treatments. The next weeks were very difficult as we struggled to find a effective treatment, and we were separated from our daughters who stayed at home with friends to continue to go to school. No treatment options seemed to work and we were running out of choices. Finally, the doctor declared that our best option was a heart transplant. We were unsure if we even wanted to go down that road as if would mean a lifetime of hospitals and sickness for our little girl. When Kourtney was 5 weeks old a heart quickly and expectantly became available, so feeling like it was our only choice we proceeded with the transplant. Unfortunately, the heart was larger than expected and the doctors were unable to close the incision which was obviously a huge risk of infection. After the transplant Kourtney’s heart was doing better than ever before. However, due to all the mechanical support and medicines she had endured she was now facing kidney failure. We were stuck in a horrible cycle of watching our precious little sweetie slowly slip away from us. On November 21, 2006, when Kourtney was 8 weeks old, she left us to go join her brother in Heaven. Our lives have been forever changed by these two experiences. While we are still here on earth we will keep their memories alive, and await the day we will be a whole family again in Heaven.

  • May 23, 2014 at 1:20 am

    This is actually my son and daughter-in-law’s story but since I’m the one who found this site and it’s affected me as well I’m going to go ahead and tell it. They married in August 2008 and almost immediately discovered that she was expecting. In February of the next year she started having severe pain and had son take her to the birthing center where her blood sugar was found to be extremely high, like 800, I think; next thing you know she’s being lifeflighted to a major hospital 4 hrs. away by car to what she thought was going to be an emergency delivery, but when she got there they got her blood sugar stabilized and thought she might be okay but kept her for monitoring. Bless her heart, son actually didn’t manage to make it until the next evening – long story, involving taking her family as well, including her mother having had a stroke and in a wheelchair – actually not until she’d called me the next morning, telling me – but then actually not telling me this until much later, that even that evening after getting her blood sugar under control she was no longer feeling the baby move and tried to tell them that but at that point they just tried to reassure her that everything was fine; not until the next morning was she able to get them to give her an ultrasound at which time she was given the bad news; yes, there all by herself, which, then, I tried to head out just as fast as I could – a 5 hr. drive away – but just happened to be the day we were pouring concrete for a slab for a garage we were putting up, with it raining so the concrete truck getting stuck in our driveway, so having to wait for tow truck to come get it out, then just happened to be the day the repo people came for older son’s car, so had to deal with that (or thought I did anyway, maybe not) then – long story – had to get money for gas to son/husband for him to be able to get to wife, had to gas up myself, getting to the station and realizing had forgotten wallet, had to turn around, go back home and get it, finally got gone – okay, sorry, she’s just called, it’s late, just can’t finish but really want to so hopefully will get this done – (maybe just trying to put in too much)


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